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I told you not to come into my room! NOW GET OUT!

I remember as a tween slamming my bedroom door as much as I could, it had great impact on the expression of my emotion. It also had great impact on my parents mood and resulted in the loss of my door completely. The day my step dad stomped down the hall with screw driver in hand is one I’ll never forget, it took 3 years before my door was reattached.

This is my daughter, even though she is not a tween yet, the door slamming has started already. My life consists of conversations like this,

“Clean up your room please.” stomp, stomp SLAM!

“Do your homework please sweetie.” stomp, stomp SLAM!

“Get ready for school.” stomp, stomp SLAM!

Words don’t exist anymore just stomp, stomp SLAM! So the other evening when she asked me what was for dinner I went stomp, stomp SLAM! off to my room. Well didn’t that cause some confusion, she didn’t say anything when I came back out.

My daughter has however swept the floor, cleaned her room and washed the dishes. Her door has not been slammed again, and my house is still standing for now.


Everyone has a story – If you really knew me.

I’ve been watching the show ‘If you really  knew me’ on MTV, its heart wrenching. I think it’s amazing that people are out there are encouraging teens to tell their story. Everyone has a story that is sometimes hard to tell. Since I have declared February as the month of love for myself I have decided to start with a ‘If you really knew me.’

If you really knew me – you would know that I had a very troubled childhood which has led to a mental illness. I have bipolar type 1.

If you really knew me – you would know that my mum threw bricks through the lounge room window at me, then tossed me out on the street when I was 13.

If you really knew me – you would know that some days are so dark for me and I struggle.

If you really knew me – you would know that I will never give up and I will do whatever it takes to make sure my husband and children feel loved and wanted.

Feel free to share your ‘If you really knew me.’ Sometimes it’s great to just let it all out and to know you are not alone.

photograph of book taken and edited by me….Book and extra illustrations by Shirley Barber

You are what you eat!

About a week ago I was browsing the discussion boards at 365project and came across this YouTube video http://jesserosten.com/2012/fotoshop-by-adobe . I wet myself laughing, later I thought about it some more and its true women are raised with high expectations.

With the month of love starting tomorrow, why not list the qualities you love about yourself and let that be the food for your soul. Put the magazine down, turn the t.v off and fall in love with yourself.

Every time you look in the mirror and say ‘my thighs are too fat’ or ‘my nose is too pointy’ you are brainwashing yourself to believe a lot of rubbish that will only leave you feeling sad. So for the next 29 days look in the mirror every morning and say out loud something that will leave a positive mark in your memory.

My eyes might look too close together to you, but when I look in the mirror my eyes are the windows to my soul. They have watched over my children, they have seen many a beautiful sunrise and if only for one month they will see all the great things about me.

Airing out the washing!

I have been a mother for nearly nine years now and I have to say that while I was pregnant with my frist child I thought that having a baby would be like the beautiful nappy ads, all sunshine and roses. What a joke that was, today my aim is to air out a little of the stinky washing.

1. Giving birth to a child is one of the most amazing experiences a woman can have. You will most likely poop in front of many people.

2. Babies have a built in sprinkler system, I once wiped vomit from my ceiling fan.

3. You can only go without sleep for so long before you turn a little crazy, crying over your burnt toast in the morning is normal.

4. No matter how many books you read, there will be times when you feel as though you are doing it all wrong.

5. Your vagina will never be the same no matter how many pelvic floor exercises you do. It won’t be bad but it won’t be the same.

6. Get contents insurance! The insurance ads that show a baby dumping the garage door on a car does happen, my child drew with Mr. Squiggle on our t.v.

7. You think when you become an adult the childhood bullying stops. WRONG! I have been called jelly belly, snot face and I have suffered the chant mum, mum with the big fat bum. No you can not loose your cool, you have to hold back the tears and explain how rude it is to tease people.

8. You can’t smack your child, it’s frowned upon. You have to discipline your child, if you don’t that is frowned upon, basically you have to pull some creative shit out of that so-called mother knows best bag and hope for the best.

9. Google is not your best friend! trust me it’ll keep you up all night worrying, it may even result in a trip to emergency for a runny nose.

10. Do not leave your Chanel shoes near a four-year old, especially in the rain.

11. Your child will tell everyone everything for show and tell no matter how private it is.

12. You will be asked if you pee when you poop.

13. DO NOT bounce a baby after a bottle, especially with a wide open grin!

14. Picking your kids up from school is a fashion show these days, ugg boots and pyjamas are not acceptable even if they are Peter Alexander.

15. You will tell your child many lies and then later have to deal with broken hearts and tears (christmas, easter, tooth fairy).

16. You will be horrified at some point in the supermarket or chemist when your child tells the world “mum’s sick, she vomited from the bum.”

17. You can only persuade people so much that your child is saying “TRUCK”. Eventually they know your child has spent time with dad and his mates.

18. Children know everything! just ask them, the funny thing is though they do observe a lot and could probably tell you in a round about way how things work.

19. Tip: when your child asks what sex means tell them it’s about gender, that’ll give you a couple of months to plan how to really explain.

20. When people tell you it get’s easier as they get older they are lying! the problems just get more interesting.

When I think about all this, it makes me laugh because even if I had been told prior to having children it wouldn’t have made a difference. Every time I see my children smile, or they hug me for no reason none of this stuff matters. They are the best blessing of my life!

A Drop of Creativity

I was always told as a child that art and creativity will get you nowhere, this was always followed with a lecture about choosing something more practical and profitable for a career. I remember going back to my parents and with the idea of being a lawyer, I was told I was too dumb for that and all the other things on my career list. My heart was crushed and yet again the light of opportunity was turned off in my life.

With no-one batting for my team a career never formed, I was never taught to dream big and aim high. It has been unfortunate that I was taught to have very little faith in myself and my ability to achieve anything. This way of thinking has led to a lot of negativity and sadness in my life. I have had to work very hard to persuade myself that I am worth more.

It’s time I started letting go and living!